Dirty Nanny

When you post an ad looking for work in a small town, it’s likely that responses will be sporadic, however, you may get one email from the local paper run offering $5 a week delivery job.
Because in a small town, if you’re looking for work, you’ll more than likely end up working for someone who knows your brother’s, friend’s, cousin who has recommended you …for the paper run.
And in a small town, if old Joe blow on Ridge Street likes trying on his wife’s underwear, you can bet that by tea break at church the next Sunday, the whole town will inevitably know about it…..or a distorted version of the story anyway, and he will be alienated from the community.

Looking for work in London? – A completely different story.
Do you think placing an ad on Gumtree for Nanny Work would spark any kind of response from people looking for a Nanny?
No.
Little did I know, when your job search title says ‘Loving, experienced Nanny seeks part time work’, it actually reads:
‘Dirty, young, naïve, sex addict, (with desirable feet), seeks dangerous, well paid, bordering on prostitution job’

By 2:15 pm, my 2:00pm posted Nanny ad had received 3 different ‘Amazing Career Opportunities” emails.

First, did you know you could earn 40 Pounds for 10 mins while you let ‘Anonymous young British boy’ play with your feet?
The small print, if there happened to be any would read, ‘session would consist of 3 minutes of innocent foot rubbing, some ‘innocent’ licking, followed by the introduction of a penis into the scenario, the uncomfortable proposal of a ‘Foot-job’ and then before you know it, you’re tied up and your body is being hacked into pieces by anonymous young British boy with Machete and wrapped in gladwrap’

Well, not an easy 40 pounds I would imagine considering it would be your last.

Secondly, for 80 pound an hour, ‘with the protection of a bodyguard of course’, I could stand in front of a perfectly healthy, respectful old gentle man and take my clothes off!!
I am assured the job would end there, I would quickly put my cloths back on and the job would be done. A question that my boyfriend posed….. ‘who’s body guard would it be?’, but that doesn’t matter because at least at the end of it, ‘I would be able to buy that Gucci bag I’ve always wanted’ end quote. I hate Gucci.

“So, how’s Johnny doing in London? Has she found a job yet?” my grandmother poses to my mother.
“Oh yes, she’s on the good dosh now granny, she’s a call in stripper but no sex granny, just stripping!”


And the third and equally shocking offer?
I could become a home visit massage therapist who gets paid 50 pound an hour to get naked with my clients and massage them, asking them to move their bodies in ways that express their feelings……client quickly grabs for his penis and starts moving THAT in an expressive way!
Then all I have to do is get into Tantra poses with my client.
There’s nothing sexual about it they tell me…..honestly.

Needless to say I am still unemployed and my next advertisement will read ‘please do not reply if your have an unnatural sexual foot fetish, the job involves nudity or bodyguards, or there are 3 consecutive X’s in your email address. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.